10 Reasons To Live
by HiccupOfReality
Summary: When Edward leaves Bella, she finds it impossible to survive. Her view on life takes a dramatic turn. Can one persons dreams change her view on life forever, and will the love of her life once again return? Set In New Moon.
1. Giving Up Slowly

**When Edward leaves Bella, she finds it impossible to survive. Her view on life takes a dramatic turn. Can one persons dreams change her view on life forever. Help her get over the love of her life enough to get her back on her feet again. Will she ever be able to find her place in society ever again? **

**Set In New Moon. **

**Please R&R :)**

**Preface:**

_After he had left I had been all for giving up. I simply hadn't cared. Now I was having to give reasons to let the world survive. Something inside me told me I was finally realising that I had to move on. The only thing in my way, was the fact I knew I could never forget __**him**__. Could one person change my whole perspective on life?_

**Chapter One.  
_Bella's POV_**

Edward had left me to survive without him, one thing I knew was completely impossible. He had been my everything, my whole life. Now he had gone and I was left alone, my heart forever imprinted on his, he had taken that too with him.

He had been gone for three months now. I hadn't done much, I hadn't achieved anything in those three months, nothing. I wouldn't talk to anyone, I wouldn't answer any questions, and I would seem to tear apart at the sound of his name. It tore my heart in two just thinking about him. His voice would come back to me in my dreams, then fade away, leaving me alone in one big nightmare. I never remember waking up anymore. For me there was no difference between nightmares and reality. Without him, every day was a nightmare. One that I couldn't escape from, no matter how hard I tried.

I thought he knew how I'm important he was to me, that I couldn't live without him. I had no reason to live anymore, not while he wasn't here – with me- the only thing that had kept me going from the start of the end (the day he left me) was the haunting fact that Charlie would have to live without me. I didn't want to even imagine the pain that would go through, let alone the cooking.

The saying '_You never miss something until you lose it'_ sprang into my mind. Edward had gone, leaving me here missing him every second of every day. I had never needed him so much before. Back in Phoenix, before I even knew he existed, my life had been incomplete yet I hadn't known it. Yet that blind spot in my life couldn't be missed back then. I simply hadn't known about it, I couldn't miss something I didn't know about. Could I?

As light poured though my bedroom window, temporarily blinding me, I heard my name being faintly called from downstairs. Charlie, my caring father who I didn't deserve, was calling me downstairs for breakfast. I felt sorry for him. I wonder if it was just as painful to watch me go through living without _him_ as it was to actually live through the pain, the guilt, knowing I was the one responsible for _him_ leaving.

I dragged myself out of bed, the bed sheets moving with me, cascading onto the floor beside my feet. I looked at them, remembering all the nights I had spent with _him_, his arms cradling me, protecting me from any nightmares. My arms instinctively wrapped around my chest, holding my broken heart together. PA piece of it was missing, I knew exactly where it was, who had it._ He _would always have a place in my heart, nothing could take away the love I had for him, ever.

I dragged myself downstairs, one foot at a time. The longer I took, the less time I would have to face the silence that always followed me. The more time of my painful life wasted. I hated it. Edward leaving me had encased me in an indestructible bubble. Encasing me forever. It was impossible for me to be friendly anymore. Impossible to care. People walked on by as if I didn't exist. I wish I didn't, then I wouldn't have to face this much pain.

No one ever came up to me at school anymore, let alone outside. It was as if I was a magnet that had been reversed, and now I repelled anything and everyone. Even _him_.

He didn't love me anymore. I would never love another person, the same way as I loved him, ever again. I may never love anyone again. I may as well give up, now, stop messing up other peoples lives. Once I am dead, no one will need to pretend to care, no one would need to worry. I would be gone forever. I wasn't important anymore, I was useless. I was pointless without Edward. He had been my reason, and only reason, to exist.

As I sat down at the table, I felt Charlie's gaze follow every action. I looked up, meeting his eyes. They were full of Pain. Loss. Confusion. Despair. Horror.

I hadn't looked in the mirror for a long time. There was simply no reason to. The look on his face made me wonder if I needed to. Did I look that bad? Did I care? No.

'Bella, we need to talk…' the words that had been the material of my nightmares came spilling out of Charlie's mouth at that moment. Oh no, please no. Not a _talk_…


	2. Forced

Charlie stood up from the table, his hands placed either side of his finished breakfast. His expression told me this wasn't going to take two seconds. Ugh. I didn't need this right now.

I got up from the table, shoving the rest of my half eaten piece of toast in the bin. The clank of the toast against the side of the metal bin broke the eerie silence. I took a deep breath, holding it in to stop me screaming. I didn't want to _talk_. I walked towards the door. I was going to escape. Anywhere would be better than here. Even _school_

'Bella, please..' Charlie pleaded, as he walked towards the door. He had already guessed my next move from past experience. Three months past experience.

I turned around, sprinting to the back door before he could stop me. I felt the tears roll down my cheek as I grabbed for the handle. I hated doing this but this was the only way. The only way to escape the fate that was surely going to be the end of me, my heart tore as I watched his face flinch with pain and hurt.

As I tried to twist it, I felt the lock jam against the door. He had _locked_it. I wasn't going to get out of this one. He had planned this one out, all too well. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to breath, the whole room was suddenly shrinking, I was trapped with no escape from reality.

'Why?' I sobbed, shaking the door handle, hoping the lock would break.

'Bella, look. I promise. This is for your own good.' Charlie pleaded, his hands coming out in front of him in a 'it wasn't me' gesture. Of course it was him. This whole thing had been thoroughly planned out by him.

'Go on then! Get on with my torture.' I shouted, falling back into my seat, letting my head drop against the wooden table. I didn't want to look at him, see the pain in his eyes. My own pain was reflected silently in the tears that rolled down my pallid cheeks, only to fall on the wood of the table, seeping through the grain.

'Please don't be like this. You have changed Bella. Pretend Edwa-' Charlie started to say before he noticed his mistake. My arms snaked around my shaking body. I ihad/i to hold myself together, Charlie needed me. 'I'm sorry Bella. Please forgive me. You were alright before…before he left. You're like a total stranger to me now. It's as if I don't know you anymore.' His words stabbed my in the heart like a knife cutting through butter. If it was already broken, he had just turned it to dust. Even my own _father_ didn't know me anymore. Did I know myself anymore?

'Shut up. Just shut up' I screamed, tears were flowing out of my eyes like waterfalls cascading down my face. I couldn't see through the tears that welled up in my eyes. I was glad of this fact. I don't think I wanted to see Charlie's face anyway. The hurt that would be clear on it would tear me up even more.

'I have arranged for you to go out with Jessica Stanley tonight. Her mum thinks she should go out more, not just with the others.' Charlie quoted as if I was going to be forced to go.

'I won't go.' I whispered, whipping the tears away from my eyes. I stared out of the window, hoping by some miracle he would come back and mend my broken heart. I knew, deep down inside, that it was more than impossible. He had gone forever. He didn't love me anymore, he had said it with his own words, spoken in his velvety voice....my arms wrapped around my body once more, gripping around me as if I were handing off a cliff, ready to fall. What was the point of living?

'I'm afraid you will. You don't want to stand Jessica up now.' Charlie said in an informative tone. He had got me in the exact position he wanted me in. He knew he had won. It was pointless arguing, I had fallen victim to my own father.

'Fine, but I will promise I won't like it. Its not like Jessica wants me there anyway.' I shouted, getting up from the table once more and storming out of the room, grabbing the keys from this open hand and opening the door to my freedom. Charlie made no attempt to stop me.

***

It was a typical day at school today. No one talked to me, no one cared anymore. I sat alone at lunch on the table. _Their _table. My arms wrapped around each my chest, holding me together before I felt apart in front of everyone. A few tabled stopped to watch on, waiting desperately for me to disintegrate in front of their scrutinizing gaze.

I overheard Jessica talking to Lauren. By the tone of her voice I knew she despised what she was talking about. I couldn't help but listen in.

'I know, she is such a freak. I can't believe you were forced to go out with her tonight. I can't believe you were even _friends_ with her. She is a charity case!' Lauren sniggered before Jess glared at her, cutting out the laughter that was flowing out of her mouth.

I wish I could laugh again, smile for once. It was like my face was fixed on one emotion, one I couldn't change.

'I know. She has changed. Ever since they left she has been like a zombie. She doesn't talk to anyone anymore. Tonight is going to be a waste of time, a pity date. I bet she won't come.' Jess replied, looking over her shoulder to glare at me. I quickly looked away, realising who they had been talking about. _Me__._

Had I changed _that_ much? Was I really like a zombie? That's when I heard someone cough loudly next to my ear. I looked up to find Lauren's disgusted face inches away from mine, her expression intolerable.

'Look Freak,' she spat, her friends giggling around her as she grinned slyly, 'Jess doesn't want to go out with you tonight. You're too mind-numbing boring. She doesn't want to just sit there in silence with you moping around. I'm afraid she isn't going anymore. For your information, _no one _would go out with you in their right mind.'

I shrugged as she waddled away, laughing. Her friends grouped around her, praising her for what she had just done. I really didn't care about Jess not coming; it gave me an excuse to visit the house of so many painful memories, to reminisce in pain. I didn't blame her. I wasn't any fun anymore. I had _changed_.

What was I going to tell Charlie? 'She didn't want to go because I'm too boring…'. As if he would believe that, the painful truth of my words echoed inside me, it was so true it was almost screaming at me.

That's when I decided. I was going to go to Port Angeles, alone. I was going to find somewhere where I could be alone, not boring other people. I would leave the painful memories till another time.


	3. Personal Saviour

I got home from school, pain and rejection ripping me up from the inside out. Jessica Stanley had turned me down and Lauren had humiliated me in front of everyone, my life was ruined forever, my sorry state of a worthless life. Sometimes I wish I never moved here, never left Mom and Phil, Phoenix had become a haven for me while Forks had become a prison, somewhere I was trapped by my own excruciating memories. My life would be much easier. I wouldn't know how great life could be, and how one small event could change everything forever.

I stormed upstairs, not even bothering to check if anyone was home. I walked into my bedroom, chucking my bag onto my bed, not caring if I missed.

'Ooofff' a sudden noise stopped me in my tracks. I whirled around to find Jacob on my bed, clutching my school bag to his chest, he was half-naked, with only a pair of worn and faded jeans on, caked with oil and dirt.

'Oh My God….I'm so sorry Jake, I didn't know-' I apologised before he cut me off mid sentence. His finger pressed lightly on my lips as he smirked. My bag fell to the floor, continuing its fate to be abused by me, the seam ripped slightly uncovering the books that lay inside.

'Bella, please. I'm ok, really' he said, nudging the bag on the floor as if it was alive before shoving it under my bed.

'Why are you here Jake…' I asked, I watched as his eyes filled with a hidden emotion. Pain? Fear? Rejection? He knew I wasn't very responsive or sociable anymore. He was the only one that could get me to talk, my little ray of sunshine on a very stormy day. Or should I say _life_.

'Taxi..' He said, showing me my favourite Jake-like grin. His eyes shone as he got up and walked over to me.

'You're taking me to Port Angeles?' I asked, I had been betting on my old rusted truck to take me there. Jake would wait till Jessica came, which she would be never. The trip would be pointless and so would Jake's taxi service.

Jake just nodded, walking over to my wardrobe and pulling out my favourite skirt. 'Wear this, you need to stop going round in those.' He said, looking over my daily outfit. Tank top and a pair of jeans. I didn't care about fashion anymore, it reminded me too much of Alice. My hands went to my chest again. How I wish to have my little fashion designer back again, someday. My best friend. Alice.

'Why do you do that?' Jake questioned, trying to pull one of my arms from my chest. He gave up when it wouldn't budge from its former position.

'I have….every time I remember…..remember one of _them_.' I explained, a tear catching in my eyelashes before trailing down my cheek. Jake caught it before it could run any further, examining the wet puddle that remained on his finger before taking my hand in his.

'I'm sorry, I didn't realise.' He whispered, pulling me into a hug. I made no effort to wrap my arms around him, for they were encased in his vice-like grip. He had grown so much in the last few weeks. One massive growth spurt apparently.

'I don't need you to take me…' I said, hoping he would catch on that he wasn't going to take me. 'I can take myself.'

'Sure, sure.' He laughed, his laughter filling up the room. The only empty space which it didn't radiate from was my heart. Its hollow depths would never feel any other emotion than pain ever again.

'So you're not taking me…' I started, wriggling out of his arms before he could get the wrong idea.

'I never said I wasn't. Sorry, but Chief's orders.' His sly grin plastered across his face, radiating to my heart, melting it slowly.

'Ugh…' I moaned, kicking the sheets that had fallen on the floor this morning. They flew into the air, falling down gracefully. My life was so far from perfect.

***

It was half past seven outside one of the many restaurants in Port Angeles. The sun was setting whist I leaned against Jake's Rabbit, waiting for 'Jessica' to appear in her new car. There was no point but how was I meant to tell Jake she wasn't going to come?

'She is late, I wouldn't make you wait if I was going out with you.' Jake grinned, coming to stand beside me. He put his arm around me, keeping me from the bitter chill that threatened to take over. He had already offered me his jacket three times already. I felt the warmth through my jacket. That was another thing about him. He had suddenly got warmer in the last few weeks.

I kept telling myself it was all my imagination. First he had been Ill, and then he had been hanging around with Sam a lot, leaving me to cope alone. He had finally come around, two weeks later. He couldn't tell me anything, he kept on starting sentences but not finishing them. I still didn't know what happened. Maybe I will never know.

'Maybe she isn't coming.' I muttered, he seemed to hear it anyway.

'She will, you will see.' He sighed.

'Maybe she is already inside' I rushed, if he believed me, I could get away from here.

'Ok, you go inside, I will wait here. Actually, cancel that. I have to go and get something quickly.' Jake said, throwing his keys up in the air before catching them behind his back and walking over to the driver's door.

He had believed me. Perfect. I walked up to the door slowly, hearing the sound of a cars engine rattle away. I quickly looked to see if he had gone. I watched the car turn around the corner before heading back down the steps and walking down the alleyway next to it. It was dark, no streetlamps to light it up. Perfect.

I suddenly heard whimpering, like a lost dog. I wandered over to where the noise was coming from. The eerie darkness made my heartbeat pick up, the edge of fear and adventure was an emotion I hadn't felt for a while.

Laid beside a disintegrating trash can was a girl, her bright red hair flowing around her, almost glowing. It reminded me of fire, burning as it danced in the wind. Her body shook with every sob that racked through her body. In the trash can was a pair of delicate wings, the feathers ruffled and torn, snapped and broken from an obvious impact. The wings were a dark black colour, throwing rainbows as the light coming from the moon bounced off them. I could make out the different feathers: They looked so real. A shiver ran up my spine as a feeling of dread overcame me, my brain was screaming at me telling me to to run, run away from here.

I took a few more steps until I was only feet away from her, walking against the repelling force that deterred me. I could make out her dress now, deep red in colour, sweeping down her body elegantly like a gushing waterfall.

'Are you ok?' I asked, my voice failing me. As my hand reached out for her, I heard a deep intake of breath. Her hand slapped it away as she got up, her eyes glaring at me. I swear they flashed red, the harshness of her glare sending me walking backwards a few feet.

'Go away, unless you want to die.' She hissed, getting up. Her voice was snakelike and her hair flowed down her back, right down to her waist, catching in an imaginary wind.

I backed away into the bin, causing the wings to fall out and fall to the floor. Feathers flew everywhere, broken and torn. I went to pick them up, but before I could I heard a scream. My body froze. My fingers wrapping around the feather that lay in my hand.

'Don't you _dare_.' She screamed, snatching them off the floor, sending me tumbling backwards into the trash can once more, my balance failing epically.

'Bella?' a deep voice called from the entrance to the Alleyway. My saviour.


	4. Abandoned

'Jake?' I asked, struggling to get out of the trash can. This was so embarrassing. I was stuck. My leg wouldn't budge from in between the two bins, the girl watching the fiasco with despising eyes. 'a little help please.'

'How did you…Oh, Hi…' Jake grinned, finally realising we had an audience. Her face turned into an angelic smile, Her eyes had changed almost instantly to a natural bottle green, the colour sending my heart into a flurry. The smile faded when Jake ignored her in a helpful stance to get me out of the trash can. Behind his back, she glared at me. That's when it clicked. She _like_ liked him.

'Don't worry, I'm fine.' I lied smoothly. My voice held no hint of confusion, no trace of lying anywhere, its flat tone was reassuring and emotionless. That was one of the only good points him leaving. The only good point.

'You sure?' Jake asked, reaching for my hand automatically once it was free. The atmosphere all of a sudden grew even more tense. Behind him, she slipped down the shoulders of her dress to make it more alluring, I had to avert my eyes from her childish behaviour and stifle the laugh that threatened to escape.

'I'm sure. Jake, this is…' I hinted for the girl to speak. She was being too quiet now Jake had come, he was like a mute button for her, and all previous accusations had flown out of the window.

'Scarlett.' She said innocently. Mood swings or what? I looked up at Jake, his eyes were fixed on her, mouth open wide. I officially hate boys. 'Scarlett, Edwards.'

The name ripped my heart into shreds. I couldn't even cope with the name Edwards. I felt to the floor, clutching my heart. I found myself drowning in chocolate eyes full of understanding and pain. Jake crouched down beside me, that was the last thing I saw before the tears clogged up my eyes, spilling down my cheeks. My whole body shock as the memories swam into my head. I felt his warm hands wrap around my body before he lifted me up, I clung to his jacket as if it was the last thing keeping me there.

I was aware I was being carried away. I struggled out, the image of Sam carrying me after Edward left played along in my mind. I had to find Edward... Sam was taking me away from him. Sam...no.. he had to let me go, find Edward...Edward, find him.

'Bella, please stop struggling.' Jakes voice soothed me, Jake was carrying me, it was just a memory Bella, 'It's me Bella. It's me.' Just a memory.

***

I had obviously fallen asleep. I woke up to the noise of a sizzling frying pan. My arms where still around my chest, it was where my arms normally were when I slept. I would always have a nightmare, replaying the night Edward left me. The weight of the covers lying on top of me felt like someone was pushing on my chest, killing me slowly. I pushed them off me like they were dangerous. I looked around the room looking for the source of my angst, nothing. I laughed at my own over reaction.

I got up, my hand flew to my hair as I peered into a mirror. My hair had gone static and it suddenly smelt of egg. My stomach rumbled as I walked towards the smell in a daze, someone was finally cooking for me.

I walked to the kitchen where Jake was cooking breakfast. He had all four hobs going, a pan on each. He was cooking for eight. I don't eat _that_ much.

That's when I noticed Scarlett sitting on top of a counter, her prying eyes were on Jakes chest, bare chest. He was only wearing a pair of shorts. No wonder. She looked at him as if she was undressing him with her eyes, I shuddered at the thought and carried on walking towards my chair, ignoring the sudden mutter of detest from Scarlett as I pushed by her legs.

'Bella, I hope you don't mind but we kind of slept round last night.' Jake said, pointing the fork towards Scarlett.

'Only if you didn't do anything disturbing.' I muttered before turning around and walking up to my room. I was suddenly put off eating for a while, I needed some alone time.

I heard Jake make a confused grunt before I walked up the stairs, my feet banging on every step. I wasn't fully awake yet. I missed the cold touch of Edward as he gently helped my wake in the morning...my reason to live...

…my hands flew to my heart once again, it was becoming a usual thing. My whole body felt like it was a live wire, every nerve buzzing with activity. My heart would always tear apart at his name, I would never fully forget him or all the memories we shared.

I heard Jake call up stairs to me. I paid no attention to the first part. '…I'm leaving now. Look after Scarlett.'

Great, I was stuck with that ibitch/i.

I walked down stairs, wanting to get my duvet before I forgot about it. I opened the door and got the shock of my life, my heart hammering against my ribs. Scarlett?


	5. Secrets

My hand flew to my mouth as I backed away, locking the scream that was threatening to escape . As my back hit the wall, Scarlett finally turned around, her eyes full of shock. Fire was over taking her arms, swallowing them up in the tongues of fire that danced in an imaginary wind. I ran into the kitchen, grabbing a saucepan and putting the tap on, full blast... impatiently waiting for it to fill. She couldn't die... I couldn't let her burn to death. My heart was in my throat, for the first time since he left, it was beating, too fast. I couldn't breathe, I didn't have time to breath, she could die…

The image of her filled my mind, it was permanently stuck there, frozen in time. It was like a scar that would be eternally there until I treated it – dousing Scarlett with water, saving her from death. I didn't want to think about what Charlie would think when he came home to a burnt down house.

I quickly ran back to where Scarlett stood, eyes wide with fear. Her hair flew in an artificial wind, the colour of flames. The atmosphere around us was like an inferno, her hands were covered in flames, licking her dress and fingers. Her eyes were bright red, flames reflected in them to. She was like one big fire, raging through the house. Was she trying to be suicidal?

I hurried back and turned off the water, rushing so fast to get out of there, tripping over my own feet._Only you could do that…_I thought to myself. Water was now cascading down my top. The water that _had_ been in the bucket was now either on me or the floor. I felt a pair of eyes on me, I looked up to find Scarlett standing in the doorway, embarrassment written all over her face.

'What just happened?' I asked, bending down to pick up the bucket. She was already there, bucket in hand all at inhuman speed. I watched as steam rose in the air from the pan as it made contact with her still glowing fingers. Illogically I had been expecting her arms to be like charcoal, my mouth fell open in a small 'o' at the sight. She was pristine, like any other person I would walk by in the street.

'I need to tell you some things…tell you a bit about my life.' She admitted shamefully, handing me the bucket before standing up. Her eyes were full of disgrace and humiliation, my arms ached to sit around her shoulders, comfort her and tell her that everything was okay.

'Tell me, you can trust me.' I promised, bending down to try and get some of the water out of the carpet only to be pushed away. I sat against the wall, my back aching from the slight fall. I felt a bead of sweat drip down the side of my face, taking time to breathe as she continued to mop at the puddle with her dress.

'Stuff this.' She cussed, and before I could blink or scream her arms started to glow, it got brighter until they were covered in flames once more. Steam rose from the carpet as it dried underneath her power. She was _something_ entirely different.

The carpet was dry in seconds. Her hair started to sway in an imaginary breeze. It really was the same colour as fire. My lips moved but no sound came out, 'Edward?' I breathed hoping by some miracle he would save me.

The pain came back, like knives plunging into my broken heart, my hands were around my torso before I could realise what I was doing. I was reminding myself too much about him. The pain he caused me, compared to burning alive, hurt me so much more. It was the one thing he could do that would inevitably scar me forever. The bond between us had broken for him, but for me, it held tightly on. It would never be broken. It would forever remain with me until it drained all emotion out of me completely. It wouldn't stay for much longer then, but neither was I. Could I really leave Charlie behind?

I looked up, a hand was outstretched towards me in a friendly gesture. It wasn't covered in flames, but it so could've easily been. My eyes followed up her arms to rest on her eyes. The fiery red hand gone, leaving behind a more natural green.

I stood up, ignoring the hand that was in front of me, too scared of the consequences I might face. One arm stayed firmly wrapped around me, holding me together before I fell to pieces in front of Scarlet. She wouldn't know what had happened, just some crazy person crying out for someone that could never come back -- asking for something that was impossible.

I guided her into my bedroom, making sure that she didn't self combust on the way. If Charlie did come home, we would know before he heard anything from up here. Plus if something happened, I could always say the computer blew up. I couldn't risk breaking the new TV he had.

She sat down on my bed, bouncing slightly as she did so. A huge smile radiated throughout the room. Her smile was powerful, like something I hadn't seen in a while. I tried to smile but as I caught myself in the mirror I quickly grimaced at how fake it looked. I was sure I wouldn't be able to smile, ever again. A cough tickled my throat, before I could hold back, the silence was broken by the rasping sound of my coughs.

'Are you ok?' she asked, coming towards me, putting her arm around me and stroking my back. It was comforting, That's when I remembered that she was inhuman, my heart hammered against my chest. Could she possibly be a vampire. No, her eyes were green. Witch? Maybe.

'What are you?' curiosity rang clear in my voice. I tried to be as soft and not desperate as I could, trying not to offend her. I failed miserably but that was expected from me. Low expectations were never met anymore.

'You promise you won't tell. I'm quite…well…different. Weird.' she asked innocently. I was starting to like her, she understood me somehow. We were similar ...yet on totally different levels. I was a social reject and she was....inhuman.

'Trust me -- I'm pro at weird.' I said humorously, I had a ton of experiences in weird.

'Why do you do that?' she asked, staring at my arms. I looked down to find I had wrapped them around me once again. Could I tell her? Would I tell her?

'Long story.' Memories flooded back into my head, reopening the scars, my whole life bleeding out. Pain soaked ever inch of my body, I couldn't move. Me and Edward at the prom, the day he had rescued me from James, the day he _left__._

'Tell me please. I can understand…'

'Can't, some other…time.' I whispered, my voice breaking. The tightness in my lungs came back. A weight pressed on my chest, pressing pain that would never seem to fade.

As I took deep breaths, his voice coming back to me, it was so vivid to..perfect -- like he was with me. I stopped breathing all together, scanning the room for him. He wasn't anywhere to be seen. _Bella please, deep breaths. Bella, breathe._

'Can you here that?' I asked Scarlet, my breath coming back to me. She stared blankly at me, her eyebrows raised as she tried to work out what I was on about. It was clear that she couldn't hear him, purely the voices of the scared memories as they bled out.

'Ok, stop freaking me out. Please. You worse than me!' She laughed, punching my lightly on the shoulder, causing me to loose my balance.

'Sorry.' I replied, taking in deep breath. I wanted to hear him again. I didn't care that I was going insane. If I heard him, I was perfectly fine with it. It seemed so real, my delusions really did him justice. His voice in my delusions was as velvety smooth as his was in reality, his pleading voice was as caring as his. It was too like his ...not to be him?

'Ok. You really want to know what I am?' Scarlet said, standing up to pace around the room. She went to the window, looking out and staring up into the sky. I nodded confidently – it couldn't be that bad...'If your sure..' she laughed a throaty laugh. No humour was present.

'I'm sure…'

Silence filled the room, the atmosphere started to get more tense, had I been too desperate? Would she hurt me? Would it hurt me to know?

'The wings in the bin. They were mine.' She explained, using past tense, at a guess they weren't anymore. 'I came from up there.' She pointed out the windows towards the sky, beyond the clouds hung the sun as it failed to appear through the thick clouds that hung over forks permanently.

'You're a bird?' I asked, knowing I would come up with the most stupid answer ever.

She laughed, this time she was laughing at some one. Me. 'Sort of. I was a bird of the heavens.'

'An Angel?' I asked in disbelief. The smile crept up her face once more; Lighting up the room. It suddenly faded, a tear rolled down her face. That's when it clicked. She used to be an angel. Somehow, she wasn't anymore.

'I fell, from the heavens down to earth. I hate it here. It hate everyone. They made me come here. I didn't do anything wrong. I hate it.' She ranted on, anger scorching every inch of the room. I could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears, her voice echoing around the room containing some power.

'You fell?' I asked, I regretted it immediately. Her arms were soon alight and her hair stuck up on und, flowing around in the air in its own mini whirlwind. Oooops.


	6. Life Worth Living?

I backed up against the wall, my hands trembling as I tried to piece together the incoherent words that failed to make sense in my mind. Her glowing hands outstretched towards the sky, praising it in all its glory. 'I hate it,' She spat, 'I hate you, and I hate the world.

Suddenly a sly smile crept up her face, sending my heart into overdrive. It was inevitable, I was going to die. She was suspicious, and I couldn't trust her. I looked towards the door, planning my quick escape, trying to find a weapon for my own safety.

'I hate this planet so much. I wish....I wish it never existed.' She hissed, flames licking up her arms, 'and you, Bella will be the first to pay out of many.' I felt my heart stop, my breath caught in my throat as I registered what she had said. She would end the world, all because of me. I wanted to die, but could I end the lives of everyone out there as well?

I knew the answer to that immediately. I don't know why I asked. I could never end anyone's life. Not even my own. No matter how hard I tried, how desperate I was. I could never end anyone's life, ever. The hope of seeing Edward again was too great, I couldn't risk my life for everything.

'Don't, no Scarlett. Don't. Please.' I whispered, gaining enough confidence finally to speak. She paced towards me, the distance in between us closed within four long strides. Her eyes glinted as fear overwhelmed me. Please Jake. Come back, now.

_Run._ Edwards voice sang throughout my mind, radiating though my body with its sweet lullaby. _Run Bella_. Edwards voice dripped with panic. I needed to get out there, I was going to die either way.

I ran into the bathroom, shutting the door immediately behind me -- dodging Scarlett by centimetres. My back was against the door. My heart pounded inside my chest wishing to break free, I couldn't breathe and my head was spinning. The whole room span around me.

That's when I heard the cruiser pull up outside. Oh no. Not Charlie. Not now.

The front door opened. I heard the keys rattle as he hung them up, unaware of what was lurking upstairs. His death was slowly getting closer, every chime of the clock, every second the hand went slowly – matching the rhythm of my pounding heart.

'Bells, I'm home.'

I heard the sound of his footsteps as they wondered towards the kitchen. I opened the door, a tiny slit of light burst through the room dark. I could make out her figure as she stood silent, stunned by the visitor.

I opened the door fully and stepped out. She turned around to give me the most menacing glare I had ever seen; I had to look away before I cowered back into the bathroom forever. She started walking down the stairs teasingly, almost challenging. She looked behind and gave me a daring wink. I gasped and ran after her, this was blackmail.

'Bella is that you?' Charlie hollered from inside the kitchen giving away where he was. Shit.

Scarlett paused, not for long enough though. She adjusted her dress, making it all the more revealing. Oh_ please_. Who does she think it is, some 17 year old guy, think again. Then again this could be quite funny. Quite funny indeed. I hid my laughter as I creped downstairs after her, ready for the shock that was going to be plastered over Scarlett's face.

That's when I remembered my dad's age, perfect age to have a heart attack. Seeing her would most likely set him off. Not a good idea when the nearest ambulance would take over seven minutes. There was no 'Towns Best' Doctor anymore. He had left along with Edward. My hands twinned around my waist, holding myself together, trying but failing as my heart crumpled underneath the weight of the pain from the memories.

I wasn't looking where I was going. I walked straight into the table by the door, sending the phone flying. The cable stretched from the wall to where it landed, a obvious hazard that I couldn't miss. I walked straight into it, propelling myself forwards into Scarlett knocking her into the living room.

'Bella, what happened' Charlie shouted, running into the living room. The sight was quite queer. I was on top of scarlet who was struggling to get free. The hem of her dress was ripped all the way up to the top of her leg. Oh dear.

'I tripped.' I admitted, ashamed of what had happened. I was pleased with the results. Charlie hadn't seen her inappropriate dress…yet. I was silently rejoicing inside, making up for the pain that seared through my leg.

'Come on Bells.' Charlie said, shaking his head and holding his hand out. I grabbed his arm and he struggled to pull me up, groaning as he tied to adjust his feet. I instantly let go, I didn't want to break anything. There was a sigh behind me. I turned around to find Scarlett staring out of the window, Her dress was pulled low once more. I heard the hum of a car engine as it rattled up the drive. That's when I knew who it was. Jake.

I walked over to the window, standing behind Scarlett. Jake's mouth hung wide open, his eyes focused on her dress. Pathetic. Boys these days. They always had to have one track minds. See a girl and they would forget what they were doing. Only one person could do that to me. I hadn't realised that I had said it out loud until Scarlett shoved past me, sneering.

My arms cradled me again, holding me together for my audience. I walked to the front door, prepared to pull Jake out of his trance. I opened the door the door swinging back further than I intended, smacking my hand on the wall.

'Ouch.' I muttered, grabbing my throbbing hand and walking towards the kitchen. Why did this always happen to me?

'Bells?' Charlie and Jake asked in unison, worry clear in their voice. The tones of their voices brought back the memories, cutting my heart in two, slashing it to pieces. Memories from my birthday. The worst one ever, I don't think anything else would ever be able to beat it. It was the day that caused Edward, the love of my life and my only one, to leave forever, leaving me dying behind. No one would be able to fix my dying heart. Not even Jake after his multiple attempts. They would only stitch it temporarily.

'Bella?' Jake was right behind me, breaking me out of my excruciating memories that were causing my hand to move slowly to my chest, wrapping around me holding me together, my hand stung against the pressure I was putting on it. My legs gave way beneath me, just before Jakes arms wrapped around me, supporting me before I fell.

'I'm ok.' I lied. I tried not to make eye contact, I knew it would only give me away if I hadn't lied so badly for once.

'Sure sure.' Jake laughed sarcastically, helping me stand up but failing. I had to protest as he lifted me into his arms, carrying me towards the sofa.

'It's nothing, Really.'

'Come on. Let's get you to the hospital.' He suggested, dragging me to the door.

'No. No. No. No. NO. ' I shouted at the top of my voice, collapsing to the floor. 'Don't make me.'

Jakes hand instantly let go of me as he took several steps backwards. Memories flooded into my mind, piecing through my dying heart, ripping it to shreds. Happy memories, ones I would never find again, haunting me till my death. Ones I would never be able to forget, little things triggering them off. Each one held a significance, a reason, a _purpose_. The memories of him, the ones that happened just before he left me. Each one scarring me. He was trying to save me, but realistically I was being forced deeper underwater, dying more quickly.

Each memory held a deeper meaning, each one showing me what my life _used_be like. What it could never be like ever again. He had left me forever.

Each time my hand pounded against the linoleum of the wooden floor, my hand aching with each strike, a tear or sob would escape out of Charlie's mouth as he crumpled on the floor, unable to take my pain anymore. My heartbeat rang in my ears, racing with the 'tick tock' of the kitchen clock. Second went by, each one followed by the tenderness of the memories.

My head hit the floor as I gave up. My breathing slowed and my eyes dropped shut. Did I really want to live without him anymore? Could I make it? I felt like I was floating, walking on a thin lines between two choices. The darkness around me swallowing me up, inviting but eerie all the same. That's when it went black.


End file.
